Today...

Well once again I've not been keeping up my diary as much as I perhaps should, but life has not been good, and writing can not always be a top priority. My financial situation took a turn for the worst... some money went into my account and a loan payment was taken immediately out, so that meant no money left to live on!

I had to quickly apply, and thankfully got, a Crisis Loan from benefits. I received £40 for myself and my daughter to live on for the next two weeks. I also have to pay this loan back out of my benefit, if and when I should ever receive any.

I've been without medication for a week now, as the doctors didn't have it in, and I haven't got enough money, or petrol to go into town and obtain it from a chemist. My next payment day is Tuesday, so hopefully I can afford to put petrol in the car and pick up my tablets. Unfortunately, I had a bad episode on Friday night and ended up lying on the bathroom floor in a complete state, in the end my daughter called my brother to come over. Not a lot could be done for me, but she needed to have someone there with her, so she and my brother just watched in horror while I selfishly allowed the world close in on me. Alas I recovered, but due to the amount of crying, it meant I could hardly open my eyes due to the amount of swelling come Saturday morning. I don't know if all the crying helped me or not, but cry I needed to and did, and now I'm empty and feel I'm completely cried out! So with any luck my daughter will not have to witness her mother having a melt down for a good while yet. Mother will learn to melt down in private, in the middle of the night, and... silently!!!!

Easter was a bleak affair for us, I did manage to buy my daughter a small Easter egg, and when I say small, I mean small! However, she was pleased with it, and I also wrote her a card telling her how much she means to me, she really appreciated that. Her grandparents from her father's side whom, like her father, hardly ever make the effort to see her, thankfully being Easter have made an effort, and so she went to stay with them Sunday night and they've all gone out for a trip today. Her father did not see the need to be in contact.

So that's life as it is today, one day is almost exactly as the last and the next will be. It's all just one long day without much to look forward too... but we keep going, but exactly what for is any body's guess! Isn't funny how life can change so dramatically within a year, last year we had a great Easter, and Sunday dinner etc... I will get things back on track, but I've got a feeling it's going to take some time.