Today... 6th March 09

08.52 a.m.
Today is a scary day, will I lose the house? This morning when I made a cup of tea I noticed a white lorry parked outside, I panicked and assumed it was bailiffs... luckily it wasn't. I will begin making phone calls this morning to try and crawl my way out of this mess, but I'm not altogether sure I'm going to have a favourable outcome. I also need to pay a lot, of bills, so I'll check my account and spare what I can. Funny the daily tarot today is the Lovers, a card all about choices, and love, how ironic. I don't want my daughter and me to be homeless, so there you have it, choices, and love, and the struggle that is required to maintain harmony, and the truth. If only I could predict my future... then again maybe that's not such a good wish!

14.33
Tired various times to get through to the landlord, only to be bored to tears by the same drab woman's recorded message, 'We are experiencing a higher number of call enquiries at present'. If I could afford to stay on the line and wait I would, but I can't, so I will have to try again in a bit. Have just got back from the doctors. Had to get a sick note to cover me for my months voluntary redundancy, saw a different doctor again. But it may have turned out to be a blessing. He's changed my current anti-depressant (can't remember the bloody name) to another one, Prozac. Wow, I didn't even know good old Prozac still existed. I had it years ago, not sure if it helped me or not, because at the time I was doing a lot of speed and coke, in fact if my memory serves me correct, I even used to mix the Prozac into my daily drug taking, just for the hell of it! Good job I manage to get off all that shit, otherwise I'd probably be dead. Do you know I'm even thinking it's almost tempting right now. Being now dead? No, not just yet, but getting off my face, now that does have an appeal. Maybe that's the answer, or maybe the doc will come up trumps. He's going to refer to a psychiatrist, apparently this is a much quicker route than waiting to see a psychologist... but I can't think why, perhaps I'm just thick... don't know, don't care. As long as I can get some help sooner rather than later that's a result as far as I'm concerned. Now all I have to do play my favourite game called, WAIT!!!