Today... 8th March 09

I've sent an e-mail to my landlord organisation, and addressed it to a couple of money-advisers that I noticed they have, after spotting them in the monthly magazine they send out. I figured I had nothing left to lose. It wasn't pleasant having to send a begging letter to complete strangers, and I'm not even sure it will help, but at least I'm trying to do something. That's odd, I just thought, why do they keep sending me a monthly magazine if they assume I no longer live at the property? That's what they said in the letter I received yesterday... we have reason to believe you no longer live at this address... well then, why bother sending me letters, and magazines? I know I'm being petty. I'm likely to be on some mailing list, so it's just automatic distribution.

Nobody seems interested in reading my blog yet, but that's okay... little bit lonesome, but expected I guess. There are thousands of blogs out there, people just like me, feeling the need to express something to someone, or mostly to themselves. It's also slightly surreal in a way, writing about your life on such a public platform, and yet it's anonymous, and yet it's completely openly available to be read by absolutely anybody... or in my case, absolutely nobody! It's almost sad, and funny at the same time. But I have to admit, I am finding the whole process quite therapeutic in some mildly strange way. My entire life is about to come crashing down around me, and I'm sitting here in my bed on a Sunday morning, writing away as if I've got all the time in the world! I should be packing my daughters, and my belongings up if I had any real sense, in the event we do get evicted. I should be sorrowful, and crying, and having a public melt down, but I'm not. Outside of these four walls, nobody knows what's going on. That's typically English behaviour is it not? We don't go around shouting our problems for the world to hear... no, we simply write about them on the net for the whole world to read!!!! Got to admit there's something weirdly ironic about that.

Just been downstairs, made a cup of coffee. My daughter is still blissfully asleep, she's aware of our pending circumstance, I've been as honest with her as I can let myself. But I'm not sure she fully understands the implications of it. Maybe that's a small blessing... for now. The cat too is blissfully unaware, curled up sleeping. I'd liked to come back as a cat, what a fantastic life. Eat, sleep, play a bit, be fussed over, loved, and adored, then back to sleep for another sixteen hours!

In the kitchen I couldn't help looking at our Colin Farrell picture on the peg-board. I wonder what it must be like to be him. Go out there, be the hottest face in Hollywood, live the dream, get smashed out ya face, shag til your hearts content, and then when it all gets too much, seek help, GET THE HELP... (one over on me there), and then come back refreshed, and still accepted as the chosen one. Granted, he got to go to Antigua for six weeks of intense therapy, and sunshine but still, he had to do the hard bit on his own right? Nah... I think even I might be able to knock Red on the head with that kind of treatment, or maybe I'm being bit harsh? Yes, so three cheers for Colin, he brightens up my drab life and whats more he's a fellow Gemini... we were born to struggle, and if there is no struggle to be had, then we'll dam well create one... after all, if it's not complicated, it's not worth our time!!!