Today... 9th March 09

11.20 p.m.
Is there anybody out there who is humanly kind enough to post me? I feel a complete idiot having made this diary blog... seemingly to myself!!! I don't know quite what I was hoping for, but I was at least expecting some form of communication with somebody, somewhere on planet Earth! But alas it would seem it is not too be. No matter, I will keep writing my diary, and when I embark on the OU Philosophy and Psychology degree, it will be a good reference, and hopefully a potentially useful case study for me to use: How blogging changed my life!

Strange, as blogging for some can be the most popular way to connect with people, even on a non-profit making site... or, maybe that's a myth? But blogging is worth the time and effort right? But what if nobody is going to read it, or bother to comment... what is it's purpose then? After all, there are thousands of blogs out there... I know, I've been reading them, and so many are full of no of meaning for me... so it must be the same for others? Yet I continue to search, because I need to know what is their secret is? How come they generate, and appeal to an audience? Through friends.. but what if the intention is not to be exposed? I suppose realistically, one has to ask themselves, who wants to read about somebody's drab life when they've got their own shit to deal with? Why read that... if you're own life is is currently full of the joys of spring? The answer is, I don't have know... but people do?

And so now I owe myself an apology. I'm sounding off unnecessarily, and egotistically... it's sheer frustration. Not because no-body's acknowledged my blog, but because I can't believe I've become this person who even minds?! This is not me, and I have to try and focus on what is me, where the fuck did me go? If I can find the answer and more importantly, a solution to that... then just maybe this anonymous non-responsive blog was worth it for a reason.

08.15 a.m.
It's been an odd weekend, carrying on as if everything is fine, and yet it is not. I am in very dangerous waters, but still cannot take on board the full scale of the mess I've got myself into. My new medication is giving me a bit of gip, feeling sick, skin rash, but that's the least of my problems. I sent the e-mail to my landlord organisation, so I will wait until about 10 a.m. then ring them. Give people time to get into work, and settle into the morning. I need to start paying some bills, but I'm scared if I pay one bill, it will me leave me short for another bill. It's difficult to know which ones are priority, when they're all priority! I also need to write my work's letter of resignation, I'm dragging it out... I know, but it's so final. I also need to send in my 'sick note'. They'd like me to call them, but if I do so it will only make me realise what I've lost. To hear the hustle and bustle of their lives and the work carrying on as normal, it's soul destroying for me. Not sure they'd understand that.