Today...

Today wasn't such a good day, but if nothing else it was unwanted confirmation that the voluntary resignation is my only option. As soon as I woke up I didn't feel right. A lot of people would probably tell me they feel the same, and who am I to say they're wrong. So all I can say is what I feel is more detachment than just not feeling right. And this is part of my problem, and why I struggle trying hold a job down, and why I struggled going to school, and indeed why I choose not to be in any more relationships.

As I'm writing this I've already decided I don't want to go on and write about it. I'm not in the mood for highlighting my curse... or as some would call it a flaw (in a way that does sound so much more kinder), but I think curse is perhaps more accurate. And so no , I'm not in the mood for digging deep, which is not how this is supposed to work. I'm a Gemini, we love to analyse right? What... ? Just as long as it's not about our deep and darkest true selves? So what exactly is the point of doing this diary then? Was it not to keep tabs on myself, in order to try and unravel the secret meaning of my meaningless life ? A self exploration of self-diagnosis, because nobody else can, or will, well not until my 18 months of NHS waiting list has been served. So really and 'truly' I SHOULD be writing like the mad woman I am, as I'm my only source of help. And yet here I am, ducking out of my responsibility already. So why... well today the answer is simple: I'm not getting fucking paid to anyalse this shit!

Best regards diary,

Cop-out girl xxx